Drug-induced high

I think I am an addict. Is there a support group for people who get a thrill from teaching other people?

Back in February or March of this year, I sent an email to the chapter of Literacy Volunteers that is in the basement of Hawkins Hall, on the Plattsburgh State campus, telling them I wanted to be a volunteer.

Feeling rather like I had failed myself in taking (a much needed) break from my Master's program, I needed something to occupy my mind. I have to admit that I was naive about what being a volunteer in literary really involved. Yes the desire to help others and a sense of commitment were qualities needed, which I feel I possess. But what I didn't realize was the WOW-factor.

"What is the WOW-factor?" you might ask. It is my chosen title for the absolute THRILL you get when the person, or people you are teaching get that "Oh! I get it!" look in their eyes and sound in their voices.

My first dose of that and I became hooked.

Since the end of June, when I was assigned my first tutee, I have been getting regular "hits" off my newly-discovered drug of choice.

And I have discovered an "side-effect" (if you will) of my drug. You see, I never felt I lacked confidence in getting up in front of others, aside from the normal jitters most everyone gets, until I began my masters program at the University of Albany. Seemingly out of nowhere, I felt I lacked adequate knowledge and skill to get up in front of fellow Spanish-speaking students and professors. I knew I had had ample training to do it, but my confidence deflated like the Hindenberg when I started comparing my abilities to those of others. And until the day I decided I needed a break, it was still flailing about. Today, I got my first jolt of confidence back and it came as an aftershock of the WOW-factor.

Little does my tutee know what she is doing for me. I have explained it to her, but she cannot know the joy she gives me each time the light of recognition comes on for her and she truly grasps the material and it becomes her own.

People rarely know the effect they have on each other, and in many instances are too callous to care. The gift I received unknowingly from my tutee today, has re-opened my heart and mind to that almost-forgotten "Oh! I get it!" feeling I thought I lost. Humans can bring out the worst in each other, but we absolutely shine when we bring out our best. And in that instance, the plaintive words of Herbert Morrison take on a whole other meaning, a wonderful meaning: "Oh, the humanity!"

:) I'm back!!!